Predators, what went wrong.

     As Sarcazmo looked over 2010's slate of movies, the disappointment dug in like an Alabama tick.  He looked at Jan-April...not much. Surely the summer is gonna be loaded, it wasn't. Fall is looking just as bleak. Theres not much left, Caz  has already seen The Expendables...and its just what it looks like, a big budget straight to dvd action movie. Maybe Paranormal 2 will be decent.

     The only movie that really stuck out to me was Predators. So Caz eagerly awaited 6 months hoping that this could erase the aftertaste that was the AVP movies....well it didn't, it was a huge letdown.
     Lets face it, nothing will be better than the original Predator. It was just one of those movies in history where everything clicked...the cast, director, Arnold, plot, finale, etc. When you watch Predator for the first time, you have no idea what the creature is. So its an event at the end of the movie when it shows itself.  Predators tried to mimic Predator in every way but in the end did more bad than good.


                                  So here we go 7 random things that were wrong with Predators.

                                                                        7. This...

                                                                   does not equal...

                                                                            this.

  

     Predator's cast was not chock full of star power. Schwarzenegger and Carl Weathers were the only two name actors.  The guys they got though were tough, charismatic,built, and you would feel safe around them if you were in a fight. Predators cast doesn't have one likable character...the Russian comes close and Laurence Fishburnes character had potential, but he must have had another film to go make.  Adrian Brody is tough and you feel he can fight, but he lacks Arnold's charisma.

      6. The  sword fight. 1987...in a rumored cut scene, Billy, shown left, takes a final stand against the Predator with just a sword as his weapon.    Why wasn't it shown? It would have taken away from Arnold's mano-a-mano duel...it would have been redundant. Also, it would have looked silly.

Predator 2: Wearing one of the worst costume shop wigs in a movie featuring a killer alien ever, King Willy shown left, decides to take a stand against the Predator with only a sword as his weapon. Why wasn't it shown? The director didn't know how to film it... they didn't want to show the predator yet... it would have been too one sided... or the correct answer, it would have looked silly.

                                                                                     

Predators: Sporting many a tattoo and completely barefoot, Hanzo, shown left, decides to take a stand against the predator, with only a sword as his weapon. Why wasn't it shown?...Oh wait, this time, it was, and IT LOOKED SILLY. If the picture isn't enough proof, watch the film. A predator is at least 5 times stronger then a man. They fight aliens with one hand tied behind their back. So they should take out a human no sweat. Arnold couldn't even beat one..he got lucky with a phantom tree stump. It just doesn't work having a ninja fight a predator. The only way a fight like that   works is if A: He charges the predator, and the predator destroys him in one swing or B: He takes a bunch of huge swings to no effect, getting blocked every time, and eventually tires out and accepts his fate, praying while the predator slices him dead...that's an honorable death.

     5. The obligatory action scene to show the soldiers can fight. You have to have an early scene showing the soldiers ability to fight. Predator's (1987) was solid, Predators (2010) was not. 1987's Predator shootout accomplished two things. One, it showed each member of the team kicking ass, it proved they could handle themselves in combat. Two, it actually developed characters. Jesse Venturas line "I ain't got time to bleed," furthered his characters bad ass development, so when he got offed, it was a mild surprise.

    

Predators obligatory action scene featured predator dogs...yes dogs. These dogs were actually HARDER TO KILL then the  predators! Each character used their unique weapons and acted tough, but it wasn't that entertaining. They should of come off as more bad ass. They should have destroyed the predator dogs easily. One character unloads about 500  rounds from a mini-gun into one of the dogs before it dies...stupid. He should of killed like 5 dogs at once with a gun that big. A scene like this should display the soldiers strengths, instead it makes them come off as inept.

  

4. The mini gun. Such a boss weapon, a ridiculous gun. In Predator it was used correctly, every last bullet was consumed, then the gun was worthless and dumped. It served its purpose, which was to show us something we hadn't seen before. 

     

In Predators, it should have been taken to the next level, but it wasn't. First off the gun should annihilate anything it hits, yet it had a hard time killing a dog. Every time the gun is shot, it's cool and entertaining. They should have exploited it more.
    
One scene I wanted in Predators was a predator getting completely splattered by the gun. A scene should have played out like this....4 predators in trees shooting down at the soldiers, soldiers taking heavy fire and in a state of panic.  Then all of a sudden, the Russian gets fed up with hiding, stands up, and  just opens up a can of bad ass into the trees and shatters one of the predators instantly....green blood everywhere, the predators retreat. If you don't think that would have the audiences screaming and cheering,  then you don't like movies.

3. Laurence Fishburne. Wasted, enough said.

2. Misuse of a couple great ideas. At one point in the film, an unknown alien species makes an appearance, then is not heard from or mentioned again. The producers dropped the ball here. The unknown alien species could of been a dark horse in the fight scenes. They could of attacked both predators and humans.

     Topher Graces character in the movie is part of a clever twist...a clever twist that unfortunately gets shat on by the producers. SPOILERS...............The whole movie you wonder why he is there amongst the killers. You come to find out, hes a serial killer.

     This is were they royally screwed up. There  should have been a brain-over-brawn scene where Topher kills a predator. He should've gone nuts stabbing a predator over and over throwing its guts around, drinking its green blood, etc. Or the other option was to have Adrian Brodys and Tophers characters the last two alive, and in an epic twist , Topher should have killed Brody's character, and been the lone survivor. Its only a twist if something shocking happens, and nothing shocking happened.

1. Predators is too similar to Predator. More or less the same movie, copies way too many scenes, not nearly as effective.   Predators should have taken it to the next level, the next level being, the humans know what their up against earlier in the movie. The whole movie could have been a strategic war between humans and predators with the unknown alien race mixed in...a 3-way.

      I cant believe I 'm saying this, but  Predators is too long. The pacing is off. Too many long stretches of the crew walking thru the woods. Gets very cliche when they go to Laurence Fishburnes  hideout. The end fight is vanilla....nothing new or exciting.

 BONUS BLOG: The good news is Predators turned a profit, so sequels will be green lit. Where can they go next? They've gone to the city, to the snow, to the woods, to another planet. Here's a few of Sarcazmo's  ideas for sequel.

1. Predator hunts during a current war. Imagine a predator running around during the Gulf War or Iraq War. That's really the only place they haven't taken the Predator to...the desert.

2. Take the predator back in time. Go back to when they had muzzle loaders and flint locks. You still get  shooting action, but then it would become more strategy.  Tell the tale of the flintlock pistol  labeled "Raphael Adolini 1715"  from Predator 2.

3. Have a rogue group of  predators try to assassinate a political leader...Governor, President, etc.  Yeah it may sound cheesy at first, but think about the action possibilities. Chase scenes while under heavy predator fire, tons of secret service going down. Government calls in their "best man", to kick ass.

4. Have an FBI training class on an tropical island....then the predator shows up.

5. Have the predators go to an entirely different planet of an entirely  different species.

6. Have the predator terrorize a bunch of forest rangers in the Colorado Mountains.

7. Predators in Alaska. More difficult because they would leave tracks in the snow. The prey would realize sooner what is going on.