Sarcazmo's Top 7 Most Anticipated Movies of 2012.

Caz is back blogging for the first time in almost a year. I apologize to the 100's of fans that have been waiting for some fresh blog.

2011 is just about spent.... that can only mean one thing...."SARCAZMOS TOP 7 MOST ANTICIAPTED MOVIES OF 2012".

When "THE CAZ" makes a  list, you better check it twice. So take heed, as these are likely the must see movies of the year.

7. TOTAL RECALL. August 3, 2012. I'm a big fan of the first "Recall", so I'm fairly enticed to take a gander at this remake.

WHAT: Remake of the Arnold Schwarzenegger 1990 sci-fi/action film about a man who takes a vacation thats all mental... you never leave your chair.

This movie had alot of gore that had to be cut to avoid an X rating. It also had cool aliens, a star making performance by Sharon Stone, and Michael Ironside stealing the movie...but what movie doesnt Ironside steal??

Colin Farrell takes over the  Arnold role (Tom Hardy and Michael Fassbender were the other two choices)...I'm not so sure about this.

Jessica Biel plays a prostitute...I'm sure about this.

WHY: $200 million dollars...thats why. This movie has a ridiculously/unessessary ginormous budget. So there HAS to be mutated freak aliens galore.

This will win the CONAN award for most excessive waste of a companies bankroll...theres no way this thing is making $200 million in the US (in August). Some studio douche who loved the original decided it would be "bitchin" to remake this and spend a fifth of a billion dollars of good studio money on it and cast Colin Farrell...because it worked so well with FRIGHT NIGHT. I still want to see it regardless.

6. WORLD WAR Z. December 21, 2012.

WHAT: Based on a best selling novel that I didnt read, about a U.N. employee traveling the world interviewing zombie apocalypse survivors.

From what I'm reading its sounds like Children of Men meets All The Presidents Men meets 28 Days Later. 

WHY: Its a zombie movie with BRAD PITT.

OSCAR buzz...and its a zombie film.

This has the potential to be the dullest zombie movie in awhile. It doesnt read like Brad Pitt interacts with zombies at all, but we'll see.

The film cost $125 million, Pitt gets $25mil of that, but thats still $100mil to spend on zombie carnage.

5. PROMETHEUS. June 8, 2012. Unofficially ALIEN 5, unofficially a prequel to ALIEN.

WHAT: Ridley Scott returns to horror/sci-fi for the first time in 33 years.

This is reportedly not a direct prequel to the original ALIEN, but you're still likely to run into good ol'chestbuster and friends.

WHY: Well let me see...RIDLEY "f*%king" SCOTT is directing. Not good enough for you, how bout this cast...Charlize Theron, Michael Fassbender, Guy Pearce, and the always "always" Ben Foster. You just know Ben Fosters gonna get royally effed up. Probable lots of new aliens.

These ALIEN movies never set the box office on fire, but its still  must see moo-vie for "The CAZ".

4. THE AVENGERS. May 4, 2012. A bunch of superheros who  had their own mediocre movies, combine  forces for likely  another  mediocre movie.

WHAT: All your favorite MARVEL superheros join forces in an attempt to stop THOR'S kid bro LOKI from becoming the ruler of the free world...ZOD..cough..cough...excuse me.

WHY: Huge budget $225 million...makes for lots of scenes of destruction that'll have you bored out of your mind faster than you can say 2012.

Joss Whedon....I think he'll handle the human elements of each superhero the right way.

HULK is gonna whup that ass.

I just want lots of non-action interaction between the superheros. Have the fellas drinking a few brews before gametime, or a bidding war between all the boys on who gets to date the BLACK WIDOW, human stuff...you know the stuff that made XMEN 2 so good.

Likely will keep the biggest opening weekend seat warm until The Dark Knight Rises is released later in the year.

3. SKYFALL aka BOND 23. November 9, 2012. The 23rd James Bond film.... 4 years after the genocide that was Quantum of Solace.

WHAT: SKYFALL will have little to no ties to the previous two movies..... (QUANTUM OF SOLACE is going to be  the HALLOWEEN 3 of the franchise...it just never happened).

The story is under lock and key with numerous roles and plot details kept in a vault..... along with the actors and writers who are playing and writing them.

WHY: You should always know what you're gonna get with a new James Bond movie. You need a cool opening, a cool segway into hopefully a cool theme song, and a cool credits sequence, and then an entertaining movie.

Javier Bardem is the bad guy...I can live with this.

DANIEL CRAIG is back...I love this guy as an actor.

ADELE (at least she can sing) is reportedly doing the theme song...was MUSE busy?

Anything after  QUANTUM OF (explain the plot to me one more time please)  SOLACE will be an improvement.

2. PARADISE LOST 3: PURGATORY. 2012. The 3rd and final film documentary based on the West Memphis 3 murders. As far as documentaries go, Paradise Lost 1 and 2 are Shangri-La.

WHAT: In 1994, 3 teenagers were convicted of murdering 3 young boys in West Memphis, Arkansas despite little to no evidence.

Most of the evidence was circumstantial and based on the fact that the teenage boys dressed in black and listened to Metallica.

An HBO documentary team followed the entire trial...including cameras in the courtroom. This footage was used to make Paradise Lost 1 and 2. This made for some of the best documentary you will ever see.

PARADISE LOST 3 is the conclusion to  the story.

WHY: PARADISE LOST 1 and 2 are in my top 10 of all time, a glimpse into the redneck/welfare heartland that is/was West Memphis. You couldnt write some of the characters in these movies even if you had Gertrude Stein riding shotgun with a laptop and an open mind.

Pushed back to January of 2012 to be considered for the Academy Award for best documentary.

 1. THE DARK KNIGHT RISES. July 20th, 2012. The epic conclusion to the Nolan /Bale BATMAN franchise. Please no reboots.

WHAT: Christopher Nolan has said this is his and Bales final bat-movie together.

What we know is it takes place many years after The Dark Knight. Bane and Catwoman are the villains but Catwoman likely turns by the end of the movie.

Batman likely gets a serious beatdown from Bane in this film.

Bane likely takes over the city with an army of escaped convicts.

 Bane likely steals the movie and makes TOM HARDY a legend and household name. The producers of the upcoming MAD MAX film have to be patting themselves on the back right about now.  

WHY: Why.... because you just know this is gonna be good. Chris Nolan rarely screws up...INCEPTION..cough..cough. Tom Hardy is one of the 7 best actors in the world.

This is one of the movies a studio has no problem forking over $250 million  to make. Guaranteed money well spent. Will make a billion dollars by its 8th week. Even money it breaks the all time box office opening weekend record.

So there ya have it...quality blog at an affordable price.

Just missing the cut of the TOP 7 must see movies...The Expendables 2, Savages (Oliver Stone), The Gangster Squad (Sean Penn), Django Unchained (Tarantino) and that Spiderman reboot thingy.

Sarcazmo's top 7 scariest movie scenes of all time.

     Finally "The Caz" returns with another blog. This marks my first simultaneous  posting of a new blog and episode of "Sarcazmo's Funhouse" on the same day. In a perfect world, this will become more of the norm in the future.

     My latest Youtube video is part 3 of Sarcazmos 1st Annual Halloween Extravaganza. During one segment , I rank what I believe are the top 7 scariest scenes of all time.

I find it very hard to be frightened by movies anymore. Watching so many movies (bad movies) has dulled my fright sense I think. What I find scares me, are scenes that in some way shape or form, could really happen.

     One of my friends recently said to me, if you put a face on fear, it isn't scary anymore. I thought this was a brilliant point. Because what scares me isn't monsters like Freddy, Jason, Dracula, or Frankenstein. Its the unseen and mysterious anticipation that lets my mind conjure up what  COULD be hiding under the bed or in the closest.

    

     Most of my top 7 here,  for the most part, could happen. There  are  few exceptions here depending on if you believe or disbelieve in the supernatural.

My criteria on what makes a scary scene follows a few guidelines.

1. If you were watching it alone, in a house in the woods, would you sleep with the lights on afterwards.

2. Does the scene give you chills?

3. Could the scene really happen?

4. Is the scene original?

5. Does the scene stay with you for a few hours or days after you've watched the movie?

6. Do you remember the scene from your childhood.

7. Does/did the scene give you nightmares?

8. Would you refuse to watch the scene again?

Lets get started. Watch the top 7 scenes  on my Youtube channel,  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jc4_L0rMsZA then have yourself a helping of some blog below.

      #7. Trilogy of Terror (Zuni doll scene) 1975. Trilogy of Terror is a horror anthology. The 3rd story is the only one worth watching. It involves a woman who buys a doll and accidentally knocks off its necklace causing the doll to come to life. The doll proceeds to chase and harass the woman for the majority of the story. She eventually traps the doll in the oven and sets it to 450 to bake some Zuni doll casserole not realizing its charred ashes floating in the air are about to possess her.

     This is where the scary stuff happens. She calls her mother and invites her over. The next scene is the woman now possessed crouching on the floor, knife in hand, waiting for her mother to visit so she can chop her up.  

The scene is creepy due to the fact that moments ago this was a normal woman, now shes all Zuni-dolled out with chiclet like teeth to boot. If you were watching this alone, your mind would conjure up images of this woman hiding behind you or waiting to prance in the next room.

#6. Prince of Darkness (Subliminal Jesus scene) 1987. One of the most underrated horror movies of the 1980's, Prince of Darkness is about a group of scientists/students who discover a liquid anti-matter (Satan) in the basement of a church. The liquid begins to possess each one of them. This coincides with Lucifer  attempting  to bring his boss  to earth through a mirror. The plot is a little shaky, but its John Carpenter so its  still quality.

The movie has several creepy moments, like this looker right here...

..but its a series of nightmares the scientists keep having that's scary as all hell. In the scene, you hear some creepy, almost subliminal, guy on a radio warning us about the future. As the radio stranger is talking, a shaky cam makes its way down a sidewalk only to catch (depending on your views) a freshly resurrected Jesus Christ or Satan. Now I shouldn't be creeped out by the 2nd coming of Christ, but in actuality, wouldn't it be kinda scary? At least until you got to know him? Its the kind of video that would generate billions?? of Youtube hits....could you imagine.. Jesus Christ caught on video. The fact that's its never shown who this is adds to the creep factor.

      #5. The Blair Witch Project (tent shaking/little kids outside  scene) 1999. Witch gets the award for best use of sounds to scare its audience. The witch is never shown, therefore your mind gets to conjure up images galore of what she could look like.

     All the witch hoopla is irrelevant during the scariest scene of said movie. Its night and the filmmakers are in the middle of elsewhere sleeping in their tent. They are awakened by what sounds like little children playing outside the tent. The tent starts to shake frantically and the two leads run into the night, why they would run from their tent into the darkness remains a mystery.


     This to me is the scariest scene in the movie, NOT the ending, which was a letdown. The ending should have shown the witches hairy feet walking towards the dead filmmakers and then dragging them away. Or a wicked looking hand with long fingernails grabbing the camera from the ground.

     The tent scene is so effective. Are the ghosts of the murdered kids shaking the tent? Is it locals? Is it their missing partner?  That's why Blair Witch works for the most part, it doesn't answer the questions. 

      #4. The Entity (1st Rape Scene) 1982.  The 2nd scariest movie of all time behind The Exorcist. Basically a simple story about a woman who routinely gets raped and assaulted by an unseen assailant. Rape and ghosts...do you really need anymore.

     There are many a scene of ghost rape here, but the scariest is the first because it comes out of nowhere. The woman is putting (Nair for short shorts) lotion on her legs, then out of nowhere she gets cold, smells something foul,  gets an overhand right across the chops, thrown on the bed, and then raped. She gathers her kids and leaves. The score here is as musically creepy as it gets. Quentin Tarantino even "borrowed" it for a scene in Inglorious Basterds. The rest of the movie never lets up on the ghost rapes either as there are about 2-4 more of them.

#3. Paranormal Activity (dragged out of bed scene) 2007.  This was one of the last times a movie scared me. In the scene a girl is dragged by her leg out of bed and down the hallway, likely to be taken up into the attic and then who knows what. That to me is what makes it scary, where was it taking her and what was the demon going to do to her when it got her there?

Having one of the scariest scenes ever does not a good movie make. Activity is pretty Para-NORMAL, its boring and you only really care about getting to the night-time scare scenes. When it gets there though, its affective.

#2. The Exorcist 3: Legion (beheading scene) 1990. Without a doubt, and I stand by this 100%, the most ORIGINAL scary scene ever filmed.

    

Exorcist 3's stock has improved since 1990, it has a solid idea (elderly people getting possessed), but the rushed exorcism at the end really hurts its momentum....the priest just comes out of left field at the end, and goes to work.
The movie actually has a few scary scenes, like the woman on the ceiling and the opening scene in the confession booth.

The show stopper here is the beheading scene. What a brilliant burst of film making exhibition  on display here from novice director William Peter Blatty.

The scene itself is in a hospital after hours, a nurse is doing checkups when she hears noises coming from one of the rooms. She checks it to find ice melting and a doctor wakes up to startle her.

Now you feel safe for the girl because a police officer is CLEARLY on guard within sight of the nurse.

     The timing here is key. As the the officer is summoned away, the nurse closes a door, as shes walking away a white figure with garden shears prances behind her and she is beheaded off screen. Who the killer was, was probably one of the possessed elderlies, but you never know for sure.  A masterpiece of a scene, should go down in history as one of the greatest ever.

#1. The Exorcist (Father Karras's dream sequence) 1973. Sarcazmo's favorite movie of all time and EASILY the scariest movie of all time, The Exorcist is one of the few movies I give a 7 out of 7 (Golden Caz) using my ratings system.

There isn't a wasted line in this script.... as well written a script as I've ever read. They don't and wont make them like this ever again. Even when they do the inevitable remake, its going to be a joke. If ever a movie should never be remade, this is it.

-

This movie scared the living hell out of me as a child, I remember it perfectly. I couldn't believe some of the things I was seeing. I honestly slept with the light on and my face covered with a pillow for at least the next month mainly due to the #1 scariest scene of all time.

In the scene, Father Karras is drunk and passes out. He then proceeds to have a nightmare about his deceased mother...oh and in between dreams, the devil decides to make a cameo/subliminal appearance.

It was this quarter second flash of a face that caused me all kinds of sleepless nights. When I turned off the light I would think I saw that face. I had nightmares about that face, then I would have nightmares about the possessed girl.

I remember reading about the hype when the movie originally came out. One of the more unusual stories happened at a theater where a guy who thought he was the only one who saw the face, charged at the screen headfirst and knocked himself out. Later he claimed he was trying to "kill the demon."

A scene that didn't originally make the cut was a spider walk sequence where Reagan walks hunched like a spider down the steps.

There are actually two, one where she spits bloods, and one where she flicks her tongue and attacks the assistant. They used the spewing blood scene in the re release, but the original flicking tongue is scarier. The way she looks at the assistant and crawls towards her is eerie for sure.

BONUS BLOG!!!!

Here's some quick, random bursts of blogness.

Biggest omission of the top 7 goes to Pet Sematary. Anything with Zelda is disturbing and difficult. Zelda (with scarier makeup) chasing the girl out the door and down the steps would have put this over the top and even higher on my list. The problem is its a man in the wig, why didn't they get a girl?

The Shining twins scene is scary, but it would have been scarier if after they say come play with us, they start walking towards the boy..almost chasing him.

      Best shock scare scene goes to Edge of Darkness. A shock scare is when a  movie sets you up to make you think everything is gravy only to scare the bejesus out of you with some loud random act of violence or noise. The scene in question has both...violence and noise.

     Mel Gibson's character is talking to a witness, she says goodbye and when she gets out of the car she is SMASHED...and it gets you. Not a horror movie but the scene works.

Scary scenes non horror? How about a scene in 310 to Yuma. I thought this was really disturbing. Russell Crowes character is handcuffed and being transferred cross country by a group of men.

One of the men repeatedly taunts Russell's character.

The scene in question is when the men go to sleep, later it cuts to Crowe repeatedly stabbing the man who was taunting him. I just thought it was really realistic and in your face.

Most overrated scary. Night of the Livng Dead. Does this really scare anyone anymore? I love George Romero as much as the next guy but this movie is dated. Slow zombies do not induce scares here.  

Biggest disappointments. During research for this blog, I kept reading about scary scenes in these two movies Dont Look Now and The Changeling. Well needless to say if I'd paid money, I'd want it back.

     Dont Look Now is so damn tedious it makes paint drying look like Oceans 11. Its one of those artistic horror movies where the director tries to make a statement, the statement must have been he was going to try to make the dullest movie in the history of cinema.

     The much hyped payoff at  the end is scary only because you realize how scary it would be to have to watch that movie over again...... and that's with a few fast forwards.

The Changeling is a haunted house movie that is  dated and weak. The scene with the speeding wheelchair is suppose to induce scares, for me it induced the eject button on the blu ray player and the off switch on the remote.

If you want a scary chair scene watch Poltergeist.

Krull. Sarcazmo's take on the 1983 fantasy movie.

Krull is a 1983 fantasy movie. The plot concerns aliens from another planet coming to earth to enslave humanity and impregnate a princess with the seed that would become the future leader of the galaxy. The only resistance comes from a King and a group of converted prisoners.

What do the critics say?

Rotten Tomatoes: 35%

IMDB: 5.9
Sarcazmo's rating (out of 7) 4: REWATCH

The trailer.

The Caz doesn't care what the critics think...Krull is fun, easy,  entertaining, and underappreciated. Are there plots holes ...yes, is it perfect...far from. Theres too much goodness to not like this movie. Breaking down a movie like only Sarcazmo can do,   its time for..
 Sarcazmo's 7 random observations, critiques, and opinions about the movie  Krull. 

7. The set design. I have read that Krull's budget was somewhere between $27 million and $50 million. Adjusted for  inflation, that's a lot of scratch. Said scratch was used to build 23 sets  in legendary Pinewood Studios. The sets are epic. The photos on the left are  random interior shots of the Black Fortress. The movie just looks fantastic. Everything is clear and sharp.

     6. The Slayers. Bad ass henchmen of The Beast. What the slayers are exactly is open for interpretation. Some have said they're cyborg aliens from another planet. Others have hypothesized they're enslaved humans or aliens with a mind controlling parasite living in their brain. The parasite theory holds weight as when you kill a slayer, this mini octopussy looking thing breaks out of its head and burrows into the ground.
       Some say the octopus/parasite creature burrows back to the Black Fortress and infects another enslaved human.
    
Slayers are very hard to kill as they seem to have electricity running thru their body's in some way, which makes it difficult to slice them with metal.  In the initial wedding crasher scene, very few Slayers are killed.
    
Slayers have two problems that you'd think the all powerful Beast could remedy...they're slow and they're dumb. This is what makes them slightly vulnerable in combat. If they were stealth like a  shadow ninja...game over.

The Slayers weapon of choice is a hybrid spear/sword. The weapons steal the movie quite frankly. The spear can fire one electric spear blast then its flipped  over and used to fight with the other end... very nifty idea.

5. The Glaive. Name me a cooler weapon. The Glaive is a 5 pointed star that sprouts 5 blades when summoned by its owner. Seems to be indestructible, and destroys pretty much everything in its path.

      
The main problem here is, it isn't used until the end of the film. Of course if the hero could use it there would be no bad guys left I guess. It is said he should only use it when he needs it, I guess his army  getting crushed during the swamp battle and a little kids life is in danger is not a serious enough predicament. P.S. the star works like a boomerang, how the hell does the hero catch it without severing a finger.

     4. Cyclops. The most bad ass character in the movie. Around 7 feet tall, estimated to be around 400 pounds, deadly accurate with a harpoon sized spear. Epic strength, great speed for someone his size, shakes off spear shots like they're pellets. Only weakness is bad peripheral vision.
    
     Cyclops race made a deal with the movies villain (The Beast). They gave up one eye in order to see the future. Unfortunately for them The Beast is a double dealer and took their eye but only gave them the ability to see the future date in which  they'll pass away. Ever since that moment the Cyclops race waged war on The Beast and all Slayers.

One of the best moments in the film is during the swamp battle. 3 Slayers are on the attack when out of nowhere, from like 30 yards away, a spear hits one dead center, sending its parasite brain into the dirt. The remaining Slayers back the eff up knowing Cyclops has arrived on the scene. They want no part of that.

Some form of Cyclops would have no doubt shown up in any sequels had there been any. He could have been the franchises Chewbacca...tough but lovable.

3. The Widow of the Web scene.  Doing giant spiders on film long before Harry Potter and The Lord of the Rings trilogy, one of Krulls  great scenes involves a journey to the center of a giant spiderweb that contains a woman who can foresee the future. No one has ever made it out alive.

 We come to find out the woman was imprisoned there for killing her newborn child. I guess she doesn't have to eat or drink, she's just magically kept in the web alive for eternity.

 Well its no coincidence that the character who makes it to the center of the web is the father of the murdered child. In an emotional scene, the guy admits hes already forgiven her for murdering their child...ok. He just needs some info then he'll be on his way.

She agrees to help, but in order for him to get out, she has to sacrifice herself. She breaks a magical hourglass and gives the dust to him to use to stall the giant white spider that's gonna be coming after him. His life runs out with the sand. If that's the case I'd just put the sand  in a baggie and live forever. Damn good scene even with all the cheese corn.

     2. The Beast. What an epic villain. Soft spoken, well mannered, polite, courteous..ugly as all hell.

 The Beast is a supreme alien being from somewhere in outer space. He travels in a huge rock called the Black Fortress. The interior of the Black Fortress though is all decked out...The Beast knows him some contemporary art deco/interior design.

     He seems to be quite powerful, but only uses his power when its convenient to the plot. Either way, hes still one of the most underrated movie villains ever. Due to budget escalations, The Beast is only shown in subtle blurry shots. This is one of the rare occasions in cinema where being cheap actually works for the movie, it makes the character more effective. You want to see more of this seemingly well educated grotesque thing of a monster. The Beast's demise is kinda sad...he suffers alot. You almost feel bad for the guy.

1. The Score. Epic score from James Horner here. From the moment the movie starts, the first thing you realize is the music. James Horner scored everything from Red Heat to Titanic. Krull has to be one of his best. One knock on him though is that he re-uses parts his own music from other films. So be it I say, if it adds to the movie then there should be no complaints.

Bonus Blog!!

Krull was suppose to be big. This movie was supposed to be a Star Wars sized hit. If a movie has this many video games, the studio has really high hopes.  It only grossed $16,519,460. Looking back it opened simultaneously with Nation Lampoons Vacation, which was my favorite movie of that year.

It debuted at #4 behind Lampoons, Jaws 3-D and the 10th week of Return of the Jedi. It seems to me its failure was mainly due to its release date. The youngsters of 1983 elected to use their $5.00 a week allowance on known franchises Jaws and Return of the Jedi instead of something they knew nothing about. Krull doesnt really come from a known popular source. Jaws had the 3d gimmick, Jedi was Jedi, and Chevy Chase was the man back then.

The lack of a name American actor may have been its biggest downfall though. Ken Marshall was fine, but he wasn't a name. I don't remember seeing him ever again in a movie. Browsing IMDB, it looks like he did alot of TV. He was on Baywatch for an episode...yikes.

Double Bonus: Plot holes, hi-jinx, questions, and shenanigans.

1.  If The Beast could make dirt into quicksand, create evil dopplehangers, assume any form he wishes and seem to be all powerful, then why doesnt he use his magic when the good guys are closing in.

2. Why does The Beast have to wait a day or two to move the Black Fortress. If he can travel through space, he should be able to do whatever he wants on other planets.

3. Where do the girls come from in the middle of the movie?

4. Why do the fire mares gallop in mid air?

5. How did the Widow of the Web get there without the spider eating her or her capturers?

6. Why are there armies of Slayers at the beggining of the movie but none at the end when The Beast needs them the most?

7. Who would win between Cyclops and The Beast sans magical powers?

8. The Glaive should have returned to Colwyn after The Black Fortress went up in flames.

9. Where are all the people?

10. How is the son of Colwyn and Lyssa going to rule the galaxy when he cant even get off Krull.

11. Why did Ken Marshall never become a star?

12. Did the Slayers in the swamp have breathing hoses or do they have gills?